First, I never even implied that I've ever killed anyone before. Where you drew that conclusion, I wouldn't know. I like how you hint at the obvious by saying, "Why aren't you in jail?" then immediately return to "expert on killing ppl." Oh sure, Joe; I kill lots of ppl. Are ppl anything like people, you dumb fuck?

I also like how you snuck that jab at my patriotism in there. You bring up an excellent point: Why don't I go join the terrorists? After all: Possibly overweight webmasters who advocate independent thought are synonymous with radical religious fanatics who burn American flags and make picket signs that say, "Behead those who insult Islam." Right?

Ironically, you then threaten to "bludgunn" me with a bat and then say "homicide isn't funny and you shouldn't be writing about it like that." What?! What the hell gives YOU the right to sit there and make idle, unfulfillable threats in a poorly-written email addressed to me at 3 hours past your bed-time while I can't make a general statement about my opinion on my personal website?

Then, you completely derail whatever momentum you have built up throughout your email and decide to defend all rednecks for my criticism of five country songs. Are you telling me that the entire redneck population lives vicariously through those five songs? If so, you're just reinforcing my point that they are ALWAYS on the radio.

People like you are the reason there are songs playing every day at my work in which the singers get lazy and uncreative so they take a dump on the English language to make the songs rhyme smoothly. "I know I'm a lucky man... God's given me a puh-ur-fect. Got a house and a piece of land..." I know those aren't the official lyrics, but that's what the asshole Montgomery Gentry is singing at my work every twenty fucking minutes-- and it's all because inbred shit-for-brains like you shop at the store I work at.

If you decide to give me a follow-up email, at least take the time to spell-check it. You're using hotmail; the tools are there-- you just have to be 10% smarter than the piece of equipment you're working with. Then again, that advice is wasted on an imbecile.

P.S. A virgin faggot is somewhat of a logical fallacy. Trying to combine two un-like insults into one compound burn cancels each-other out and makes you look like an emo jock. See how ineffective that was?

You do have a point, though. If I don't like it here, why don't I move out? How about the fact that I'm still in High School, live with my parents, and don't have a car or a full time job to pay for travel expenses? Or maybe the fact that I'm not a pussy that runs away from problems, be it mine or the area I live in.

Your barely-intelligible hatemail would almost make you seem like you have at least two brain cells that bump together every now and then, but then you pissed that away by saying the Tampa Buccaneers rule. I have a better argument for whether or not they rule: Who gives a shit? What difference does it make in the world if they win or lose the next game? Maybe you'll be out two-hundred bucks, but for the rest of the world we have more important shit than trying to live vicariously through a sports team that couldn't rush a toddler.

Let me ask you a question, "Sinceraly a fucking idiot:" If there's so much to do in Florida, why did you have the free time to sit on your fat ass typing a half-witted email? Why don't you scuttle off to play shuffleboard with the folks at the retirement home or check out the babes (see: saggy-tit whales) at the beach? Is being an idiot so important to you that you forsake the wild, adventurous yet picturesque and heavenly life of this paradise of Florida? Or is it because you're in denial about living in an industrialized swamp whose economy is supported by selling overpriced homes to elderly people who want to move here to die and make the young people's lives miserable? Either way, a window-licker like you has no place on my website.

Another thing: I clearly stated, "After I'm done with college, I'm moving the hell out of this hole unless they pass legislation that everyone over the age of 65 is considered "near death" and the demand for Kevorkians skyrockets." You would have to be beyond stupid to think I'm an old person.

Now with that out of the way, let's move on. After trying to call me 10 years old (because everyone knows that how old you are dictates how smart you are in every conceivable instance with no exceptions), you move on to the most generic, overused insult I've ever received: Maddox ripoff.

How in the hell am I ripping off Maddox? Okay yes, I use the "witty comment after the hit counter" idea. But here's a newsflash for you: Maddox isn't the only person on the internet to try and use their hit counter to say something creative. I'm not stealing his articles or opinions, so I'm not ripping anyone off.

But I'm a nice guy, Joe Smiley. In fact, I'm so nice that I'm going to share a little-known fact about my Stats page. Open it in a new window and get a good look at it so the shock doesn't kill you. Are you ready?

That page is in ALPHABETICAL ORDER you stupid putz!

Not only were you able to analyze my writing and guess my age to be about half what it really is, but you also glossed right over this glaringly-obvious fact? Congratulations, idiot!

You can't make up this kind of stupidity. I have a separate page for anyone who wants to see which page has the most hits. If you wanted to find it outside of this mention, you just had to click on "Misc."

As for the 404 errors, if you find one let me know what page lead to it and I'll fix it. As far as I'm aware, there are none (well, none that don't involve you not knowing how to use a god damn web browser).

I can't help but notice that all of your questions are poised towards my personal life (in particular: my sex life). "But the killer is you don't REALLY hate them..." Bullshit. I can't fucking stand people who are dumber than me and don't even make an effort to hold a mature, intelligent conversation. Where I live, this is almost everybody.

"I could totally get you laid man, you seem ok." Wow, that needs context; otherwise it sounds like you're stalking me.

It is not right to try to change someones mind on a topic that so obviously only helps people.

I'm sorry, Your Majesty. I suppose, following your logic, that we should axe all the Truth commercials because smoking is a form of stress relief for some people-- and stress relief obviously helps them. Right?

Onto the actual email: keep your thoughts to yourself, can't it be enough being content in knowing that you've realized something most people have yet to grasp, why broadcast it to the world. it can be your little secret that you share with a few others.

What's the point in having an idea if you don't express it or make anything out of it? Why didn't we tell Einstein to keep his ideas to himself? "Hey Einstein, you've realized something that most people have yet to grasp. Why broadcast it to the world? (It can be your little secret that you share with a few others.)" Oh, right: The scientific and technological advancements.