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| You probably looked at the title of this page and wondered, "What the hell does this guy know about being an individual? Blah bl-blah." I have no special merits or certifications that state that I am the leading authority on all things involving individuality, nor would I need them. Do you have any idea how fucking superfluous that would be? To make matters worse, some Business major would come along and tried to get certified in it to add to their resume a la shit. And we wouldn't want that, would we?
The next question that might come to mind is "Why in the hell would anyone write this?" and if it does, seriously think about it. Look at pop culture these days. Can you still question this guide? If so, you probably have a good question that reading the guide itself may not answer. In that event, feel free to email me. My email address is on the bottom of every page. 1. Be a man. This isn't a sexist statement, as this applies to women as well. When I say man, I don't mean a human over 17 years old with a penis. I mean everything that a man stood for before he was castrated by the liberal media. A real man, as I refer to this kind of person regardless of the gender specification, does not fret over every detail of his appearance. A real man stands by his opinion with a complete disregard to how politically incorrect it may be. Which leads me to my next point.
2. Be a rebel. I don't mean go out and commit treason. Nor do I mean join all the teenage thugs in their street gang. A man (or woman) is a rebel just having a different viewpoint that he (or she) can call their own. That viewpoint must be achieved by your own reasoning, and not by watching mass media force-feed it to you. For example, many people cling to titles like pro-life and pro-choice on the abortion issue. In this specific case, you may find it difficult to find a rational third stance. So what do you do? 3. Don't be a dumbass. There is admittedly a difference between being a dumbass and sounding like one. Generally speaking, both are equally undesirable and should be avoided like the plague. (By "plague" I mean "catastrophe that is EMO!") To avoid sounding like a dumbass, you just have to think before you speak. It works! Wording means everything to a sentence, you screaming ninny! An assertive choice of words will show others that you mean business. Be sure to say it with a macho voice to seal the deal. Now, a true dumbass is all too common in this day and age. If you, the esteemed reader, fit the widely-accepted definition of a dumbass, then you may be beyond my help. If you feel that this is you, skip directly to suicide and save us the trouble. (Tell your mom it's not too late to have an abortion, if you catch my drift) For those seeking a cure look no further than your own mirror. Think about everything stupid you've ever done (it helps to call an enemy to help you with this part) and look for patterns of stupidity. If you phoned an enemy, just listen for snide remarks. Now, make a list of what you do wrong and STOP doing it! 4. Make your own choices. I know it seems vastly ironic to say this in a how-to guide, but bear with me. This is important.
Scenario: A song you like is playing on the radio. All of your friends start complaining about it and demand you change it. As a result you... The important thing about making your own choices is occasionally mixing things up. For example, my mom told me "Do the dishes, no ifs ands or buts." So I began a sentence with "however" and she was so stunned that she went into the kitchen and did the dishes, just as any woman should.1 Not only does this make things interesting, but it throws everyone off as well. The other thing to remember is that for each choice there is a consequence (unless you're really manly). Probably a drastic one. Weigh it carefully. Not on some bullshit "moral" but on whether it's worth your effort to say/do something. 9 out of 10 bullies2 agree: boring victims are the pits. 1 This is called a joke. This obviously didn't really happen. 2 I actually wouldn't know. All my bullies were afraid to pick on me after I beat one's face in. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Copyright © 2005-2008 Kobra's Corner. Published under the Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 Unported License.
The contents of this website are the opinions of the author. If you disagree with my opinions, quit reading my fucking website! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
