1. Wanksters, gangstas, whatever you want to call them. I can't fucking stand them. But you already know this, don't you? Moving on...

2. Pretentious teenage girls. Nobody cares what brand of hair spray you use, and nobody wants to wait for you to finish putting your make-up on to get the next page of notes to copy from the overhead projector. Put your fucking compact away, take your goddamn notes, and shut your enormous mouth. Be a skank on your own time.

3. Illegal immigrants. I have no problem with the legal immigrants, mostly because the legal immigrants at least TRY to speak one iota of English. At least enough to function in society, which is all I ask for. I don't want to sit down and have an intellectual debate, I want you to be able to follow simple directions and understand that $1.06 doesn't require a fifty dollar bill.

4. Fifties and Hundreds. I fucking hate large bills. Especially $100 bills. Every time I get one, I have to give them back a shitload of twenties and usually have to go to the back of the store to break it for them. Fifties, I can live with. If someone gives me a hundred later on, I can include a fifty in their change back. If they bitch about it, they can always give me a smaller bill. And if they don't have one, tough shit.

5. Door-to-Door Christians. Look, if I really wanted to know "all of the answers," I have Google. I don't care what faith you have, until you can draw a cubic sphere and create matter and energy, I don't want to hear your bitching. Stop parroting around about how miraculous your savior isn't.

6. Dragon Force. Alright assholes, if you want to say "We are the future of Metal!" then you have to expect all the other metal bands to take turns kicking your shit in. It's common sense. Stop trying to revolutionize a genuinely awesome genre of music into '80s power ranger pop metal. While you're at it, throw some variation in your songs so they aren't so fucking boring.

7. Dragon Force fans. The fans are almost as bad as the band is. I know that Britain and Germany don't have alot of taste when it comes to Rock and Metal, but for god's sakes, Graveworm is a German/Irish band! And I'm sure there's others over there that have talent and originality. Stop posting the entire tracklist on the "What are you listening to?" topics on every forum I visit regularly.

8. Hopeless romantics. I have an acquaintance who labels himself as one, and all he does is prattle on all day about one of my friends like I give a shit. Nobody cares about your obsession, not even her. Either shut the hell up or meet the ground at a great velocity from a ten-story building. This world isn't meant to be "romantic." This isn't the setting of a mind-dump of a romantic movie. Sit the hell down and close your fucking mouth!

9. Celebrities. I can't turn on the news without hearing about some unimportant celebrity's antics. The death of a celebrity rarely impacts my life (with the exception of Rodney Dangerfield and Sam Kinneson), so why report about it endlessly? If I ever own a news network, I'll sacrifice ratings in favor of getting the important facts through. If someone watches the news to hear about one person from a different side of the country, I probably don't want them watching my news program anyway.

10. Script Kiddies. Script Kiddies are would-be hackers, only if they had the time, patience, know-how, and experience. To supplement all the hard work that hackers go through, they download shitty Visual Basic scripts and readily-available "hacking" tools to wreak havoc on the internet, usually just so they can say "I'm a hacker!" Morons.

11. Small children. Always wanting and disrespecting their parents and tearing up shit and sqealing and whining and- SHUT THE FUCK UP! Sit down, and if you make one more fucking peep I will punt your ass over the fence!

12. Vegetarians. No explanation needed: everyone hates vegetarians. They even hate themselves, I've heard from an unreliable source. At dinner tonight, there was some vegetarian standing at the buffet talking about how "disgusted" he is a the lack of "Vegetarian Cuisine," so I piled on as much steak as I could on my plate and flipped him the bird as I walked past him a second time before he could open his mouth.

13. Pacifists. Right up there with vegetarians are pacifists. Aw, boo-hoo. Is little Johnny afraid of hurting someone? Then eat cold steel, you crybaby son of a bitch. Society isn't going to change your diapers forever, sonny. Either grow a pair or look into suicide.

14. Old men. They smell horrible, laugh obnoxiously at the drop of a hat, and think they're important. Guess what, dickhead. Nobody cares about you half-wit attempted humor. Shut the hell up, put the checkbook away, and pay with cash asshole! I hope the door cracks your skull open on the way out and it finally knocks a sense of urgency into you.

15. Checks. Why do we still accept personal checks anymore? We live in an era with debit cards and computers that can render an entire fucking landscape for 100 miles in under two seconds, so why do we need to grind all progress to a screeching halt for 10 minutes while an elderly couple fills out a checkbook?!

16. Old women. Much like old men, only old women are needy and can't ever remember where anything is, even though they always come in everyday looking for the same thing. It's like they've given up on pissing their husbands off, so they shop at my store to piss me off.

17. Coupon shoppers. If the savings really mean that much to you, I know a guy who can give you $100 off the hip replacement you'll need after I STOMP YOUR ASS INTO THE CEMENT!!

18. Homeless People. If you can't get a place to live, the least you can do is try to get a fucking job instead of leeching off people who drive by you in a desperate attempt to milk the kindness of others to get liquor money.

19. Single Parents. I hate seeing single parents because I just KNOW their kids are going to grow up unable to form long-standing relationships and will eventually end up on the Maury show for being an inept father, thus repeating the cycle all over again.

20. People who wear confederate flags on their shirts are a major source of irritation for everyone in America, especially when they accuse everyone else of being unpatriotic. Listen, dipshit. I know you have no way of sensing irony what with the total lack of brain matter and all, but it just isn't cute anymore. You're not a redneck, and if you are, then you still have no right to label people "unpatriotic" for exercising the rights that this country stands for.

21. Catholics. I shouldn't have to explain this one.

22. Pregnant Middle Schoolers. The fact that middle school girls are getting pregnant just goes to show you how bad some parents are. It's all a lack of discipline, I tell you. If you beat your child's ass, they wouldn't think "Oh, I have the right to go out and have sex," but expecing parents to do their job is like expecting Bush to speak professional English.

23. Feminists. I was called a patriarch the other day for opening the door to let a young woman into the store. The problem with this accusation is that the door was stuck open and I was waiting for her to get in before I shut it; I wasn't actually holding it open. But nevermind the facts, feminists are revolutionizing America, one store-clerk at a time.

24. Emo. I'd say "emo boys" or "emo girls," but they've rendered it ambiguous and I hate them both equally. And who wouldn't? They follow a fashion trend based on suicide and being pathetic. At least I give them a reason to cry. In a way, I'm helping them.

25. Racist Jokes. I've heard them all, and they're usually not funny. At least Omen can come up with some original ones. The rest of them are just meant to be blatantly insulting and lack build-up, punchline, or anything else that makes a joke funny. Y'know, like half my work.

26. Pan-handlers. These assholes come into my store, purposefully buy more shit than they have money for, and give me a sad look expecting me to fish into my own pockets to cover their bill. Fuck that! I call my manager up and she takes items off the transaction. Take that, asshole!

27. Self-Proclaimed Gamers. I've met few "true" gamers in my lifetime, and one of them happens to be my best friend. Just because you like one or two video games, it doesn't make you a "gamer." A gamer is someone who holds a high passion (see: overwhelming obsession) for video games. If you don't belong to the Church of Jenova's Witnesses, or even understand that joke, then (surprise!) you're not a gamer.

28. Neo-Nazis. You're not a minority; you're an idiot. Shut up.

29. Ninety-two year olds who take time out of their busy schedule (read: not doing a damn thing except maybe causing traffic accidents) to e-mail me to correct a typo on my personal website.

30. Bullies. I'm usually bigger than they are, so bullies steer clear of me. But I've seen other people get bullied and it pisses me off. When all the lil' Sophomores were taking the FCAT test, a kid sitting next to me interrupted a Tool song with his repeated shouts of "GO AWAY!" Finally, I paused my MP3 player and told the kid who was harassing him "Go away, I don't want to listen to your bullshit," and he tucked his tail between his legs until I looked away; at which point he drew the attention of the Gym coach before slapping the kid. As a result, the victim got suspended for two days, which brings me to my next point:

31. High School policies. They don't make sense, and they're only there to punish you for defending yourself or standing up for what's right. Two day suspension for being slapped in the face?! Just imagine what would happen if you survived an attempted murder on school campus. In my dad's day, he beat up the entire football team one-by-one and only got corporal punishment. We need to bring back corporal punishment- it would straighten these idiots out.

32. Hollywood. With all the billions of dollars we pour into Hollywood every year, you'd expect that we'd get some ass-kicking movies. Instead, we get an army of "romantic comedies" that are neither romantic nor funny. Where does all the money go? Into the actors' and actresses' pockets so they can spend thousands of dollars on Botox injections just so they can look even sluttier for their next Hollywood production, which will inevitably suck just as much as their previous ones. There are exceptions to this, of course.

33. High School Athletes. I have no problem with athletes, as long as they're willing to do their share of bookwork. If they get to piss around all day and frustrate the hell out of my teachers, and still pass the class, then why should I be held to a different standard? In fact, I'm one of the only members of the High School German Club who are interested in competing with other high schools, and yet I get no special treatment. I was also on the Math Team for two years, and the best I got was a photo with the principal in the hallway just because we got "5th Place" because my teammates sucked balls. Argh! I hated math team.

34. Substitute School Teachers. Their job is simple enough, yet they always take it upon themselves to assert their non-existent authority. A particular substitute teacher who I refer to as "the dried up old hippy" is famous for that.

35. Couples. I understand that it's cool to have a girlfriend, and I can tolerate people who have one. What I can't tolerate is when they stand in the middle of the hallway and suck each-others' faces out. From now on, if I see two people making out in the hallway, I'm going to go out of my way to bump into them. And I don't mean a small tap, I mean a body slam with an extended elbow and everything. Assholes!

36. MTV, VH1, and BET. I have to lump them all into one list item just so I don't spend an extended amount of time thinking about them, lest my brain explodes from the sheer murderous rage they invoke.

37. Bleeding-Heart Liberals. Look, I can give you a reason for a bleeding heart. I insist. Stop ruining this country with your politically-correct views. Nobody cares about being politically correct unless they're trying to exploit said correctness to gain something.

38. Scholarship Programs. I love how equality shines through when they have scholarship opportunities only available to Black students. Nevermind the Native fucking Americans; only Black people deserve scholarship opportunities!

39. Gangs. Gangs piss me off to no end. Not just because they're stupid, but because they lump a bunch of weak-minded morons together under one ideal and they continue to obey without question. Argh!

40. Mass-Conformism. I'm not saying let's all be nonconformists or live in an anarchy- I just want people to think a little more than they do.

41. Gothic kids. You don't deserve elaboration.

42. Alcoholics.

43. Drug addicts.

44. Annoying yappy dogs.

45. Blogs.

46. Bloggers.

47. Wanna-Be Bikers.

48. People who think their shit doesn't stink because they have a business degree.

49. Final Fantasy X-2

50. Uppity teenage assholes who praise Halo endlessly and refuse to acknowledge the existence of Half-Life 2.

51. The phrase, "you need to find God."

52. "Teen Night," a weekly event at the local skating rink in which groups of preteens sit in a table with members of their social group; and everyone hates every other social group there.

53. People who fight like a dumbass.

54. This creepy asshole who's obsessed over my friend Leanna.

55. Pedophiles.

56. Drug dealers.

57. Shoplifters.

58. Creepy shoplifting drug-dealer pedophiles.

59. Anyone under the age of 20 or over the age of 35 who wears anything less than a T-shirt and pants that go past their knees. *shudder*

60. Rich, pretentious snobs.

61. Corporate executives.

62. Wal-Mart shoppers.

63. People who claim to be a fan of a band they've heard one song of, and it usually happens to be their most famous song.

64. Tourists.

65. Non-English speaking people.

66. Non-English speaking people who get pissed at me for speaking English.

67. Anime fans. My friend Warren's girlfriend pissed me off because I made a reference to FLCL and she said "You have to pronounce it 'footy-cooty'" and I felt like ejecting her into orbit.

68. People who email me to tell me I'm a "cheap Maddox ripoff."

69. Sports fans.

70. Loud, obnoxious laughter.

71. Secrets. Secrets really piss me off because I don't know who's saying what and I feel that I'd have to raze the earth to make sure I'm not missing anyone.

72. Anyone who has ever attempted suicide and failed.

73. Anyone who talks about suicide.

74. The dipshits in my programming class who can't follow simple directions such as "Read the fucking book!"

75. The defense attorney for the suspect of a double murder that my brother witnessed, who used to be one of my dad's closest friends and hunted my mom down for two days to give her his word that he wouldn't represent the cock-sucker just to turn around and do just that.

76. People who cry.

77. This black bitch who got a job at my store and called in sick for two days, then turned around and bitched about not getting enough hours and proclaiming, "Laura (my manager) needs to let me set up a collection jar!" Right, you selfish bitch. I'm sure all of our customers will jump at the chance to give you money just so you can support your crackhead husband. Either that or a shattered jaw.

78. People who wear cross necklaces then bitch at my friends for wearing clothes with satanic imagery on it.

79. Anyone who seriously worships Satan.

80. First-Person Shooters. With the exception of the Half-Life and Halo franchises, First Person Shooters suck.

81. Jack Thompson and his coalition of lazy soccer moms.

82. Anyone who believes Jack Thompson's bullshit.

83. Love songs, romantic stories, and subplots in video games involving love. It's lame, overdone, and tired. Pick a new plot tool, you hopeless romantic cock-suckers.

84. Any politician who voted for illegal immigrants to collect Social Security without paying into it.

85. The fact that my dad has served in the Navy for two terms and still can't get Social Security, even though he's too disabled to get a job.

86. Government paperwork.

87. Anyone who seriously believes they can cast spells. This mean you, you Wiccan bastard!

88. Being bitched at for making Leanna's friends cry.

89. Having to listen to people bitch just because I said something "mean." Tough shit, assholes. That's my opinion- live with it, or choke to death. Preferably the latter.

90. Anyone who cheats excessively at easy video games like Kingdom Hearts 2.

91. Anyone who was offended by the Hot Coffee mod.

92. Anyone who is offended by ANY sexual content.

93. Anyone who sets their answering machine message to "Hello- are you there? Speak up, I can't hear you. Hello? HELLO?! Leave a message." It's not funny, it's annoying and I want to strangle you with a phone cord.

94. Anyone who thinks graphics are all that matter to video games.

95. Slim Jims. They aren't beef jerky, assholes.

96. Vampires. Or rather, wanna-be vampires.

97. Television. Everything on TV sucks nowadays.

98. TV News stations. They always flood the broadcast with superfluous bullshit about local sports events instead of what really matters.

99. Anyone who is not going to watch the movie 300 on opening day. Or failing that, at all.

100. Anyone with an active Myspace account. Everyone knows that Rooster Teeth stomps more ass than Myspace ever could.