The Five Worst Video Games of All Time
Every once in a while, gamers will turn on their consoles (or computers) and turn it off disappointed. Other times, they'll turn it off in a blind, murderous rage because of the time, effort, and/or money they just wasted on a shitty "video game" that isn't worth wiping their ass with. To prevent future road-raging and to save gamers the trouble of wasting their time on video games that are complete shit, here are the five worst video games of all time:5. Zero Wing
A game known infamously across the internet for its horrible grammar. "All your fail are belong to us." To be fair, it can be amusing if you're a fan of the meme that resulted from it. But that still doesn't make it any less shitty.4. Superman 64Grade: D
Ooh, I can spend hours frustrated because I can't fly through the rings fast enough because random-assed "kryptonite fog" slows me down. Real fucking classy! Whoever designed this game needs to be pistol-whipped!3. V-Tech RampageGrade: F
Recently released by a man using the alias "Pigpen," VTR has been compared by many to be the Super Columbine Massacre RPG of the Virginia Tech massacre. In fact, it equates to a burning sack of shit in comparison.2. E.T. the Extra-TerrestrialSuper Columbine Massacre RPG, as you recall, was a video game made as an interactive documentary of the school shooting. VTR, on the other hand, doesn't provide answers, insights, or anything except violence. VTR exists to extort money from the victims of the massacre; as exemplified by a statement from the author of this intestinal catastrophe:
"I will take this game down from newgrounds if the donation amount reaches $1,000 US, i’ll take it down from here (his website) if it reaches $2,000 US, and i will apologize if it reaches $3,000 US."A wanna-be SCMRPG created for all the wrong reasons? Definitely not worth checking out!Update: Pigpen has since claimed that statement was the equivalent of "put your money where your mouth is," but we all know that these people have their price. Either he believes someone will fork over $3,000 or he thinks he can use the publicity to bolster his game design career. Either way, he's cashing in on the victims of a school massacre.
Grade: F
This game is well-known by all gamers to have sucked so bad that the entire gaming industry revolutionized as a result. That's some serious bullshit. What made the game suck so bad?1. Left Behind: Eternal ForcesThe story sucks, the gameplay is trivial and painstaking, and there's no seriousness involved. ET would set the standard for games based on movies for years to come-- including every disney video game except Kingdom Hearts (but Square Enix had to deplete the suckage for it to be successful).
Grade: F
Words cannot adequately describe the contempt I hold for this game and whoever conceived it. When I first heard of this game, I thought, "This has to be satire. Nobody could possibly be zealous enough to make a game this inconceivably stupid." Ladies and gentlemen, I stand corrected.I've seen some atrocious games in my time, but these suck so bad they deserve special recognition. If you thought about playing one of the games on this list-- don't waste your time. Go play something fun.Left Behind: Eternal Forces deserves the title of "worst game ever" like none before it. LB:EF is, in a nutshell, Christian propaganda turned religious warfare. Your job is to convert as many people to Christianity as you can, or kill them. This convert-or-die attitude, which would normally set off massive protesting has actually been well received by many religious sects. Apparently, it's perfectly fine to kill people for having their own beliefs.
Grade: F
2,671 gamers agree with me about all of the above.
Want more? Check out Kobra's Corner.
Contact me: kobrasrealm@gmail.com