Once upon a time, there was a man named Bob. Bob dreamed of a world where everyone would sit around and recite poetry, nobody would eat meat because an animal would have to die. As Bob was sitting around thinking about this perfect society where nobody could have their own opinion or enjoy their lives, a man walked up and ran his katana between each of his ribs in succession. Then the man porked his wife and slaughtered his family. Bob looked up at him with tears running down his face, and cried "Why are you doing this, mister?" then the man kicked him in the face, laughed, and said "Purely out of spite, of course!" And with that, he cut Bob's head off. Not to show him mercy, but just so he wouldn't have to listen to any more of Bob's bitching.

The man cleaned off his blade on Bob's clean toiletries and walked out side of the house just in time to run into Margaret S. Feminazi. Margaret started bitching and moaning because he didn't kill Bob's wife, something about being a sexist pig, and more bitching. Her bitching was so potent that a small swarm of bald feminist gorillas started to gather. The man remained resilient, however, as he watched the Jenny Jone's show once while being tortured. So he knew all of their tricks. Quickly and without hesitation, the man sliced Margaret's head clean off, stepped forward, and spun his blade through three more feminists. The resulting arc of blood blinded the rest of them, giving him a chance to escape. He took Margaret's car keys and took off down the highway.

After ten minutes of driving, he recieved a phone call from the babysitter. "Elliot! Where are you? I told you to pick up your kids blah blah blah-" so Elliot used his telekinesis powers to choke the babysitter to death. While he was focusing his psychic powers, a truck driver almost cut him off, so he jumped out of his car and cleaved the truck in half. Elliot then ran back into his car and sped up, not wanting to wait in traffic behind all the dipshits who stopped to help the dying trucker.

Four minutes later, traffic grinded to a screeching halt. Elliot knew the only thing that could cause such a massive traffic jam: there was an old person driving. Elliot turned into the break-down lane (cutting several people off in the process, because those people were pussies) and sped ahead. After a mile or so, he finally found the offender: an eighty year old woman was driving the bus for the retirement home. Elliot parked his car, walked alongside the bus, and knocked on the door. The old woman ignored him, so he threw a dagger into her throat and the bus actually sped up after she died.

Some cranky old hag started bitching about his actions. "I bet you play video games, don't you?!" Elliot responded with a hatchet wound to the face and said, "Damn right, you old bitch!" then he jumped outside the bus. While the old farts were still dumbfounded about that, Elliot picked the bus up and threw it over the side of a cliff. Then he got back in his car and cut more people off, muttering "God damned non-driving mother fuckers!"

About ten minutes later, Elliot had to stop and get some gas because Mrs. Feminazi was a total tightwad. While he was pumping gas, a snot-nosed brat walked up to him and started asking him "why are you covered in blood?" Elliot tried to ignore his punk ass, but it was no use. Elliot finally had enough of it and sprayed him with gasoline. Then, he rubbed the backside of his sword across his chest so fast that it generated a friction burn and set the little snotnosed piece of shit on fire.

Just then, a bus full of naked lesbians pulled up and Elliot's display of manliness made them all immediately turn bi-curious and Elliot lived happily after. The end.

256 people think I'm too peaceful.
Contact me: kobrasrealm@gmail.com

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