What's So Ironic About a Myspace User Calling a Nerd "Pathetic?"
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Everything!
The text in the picture above is, sadly, an actual quote from some random whore who walked up to another cranky Myspace-addicted whore between classes at my school. I shudder to think of the state of a society in which the cool thing to do is be chained down to an ad-ridden website so often that it becomes the subject matter of everyday conversations.

To make matters worse, these are the same people who sit in circles by the soda machine at lunch and try to assert the exclusivity of their inner circle by talking at a low volume everytime one of us lowly commoners (also known as: people who think school involves more than applying make-up and giving blow-jobs under the desks) walks by to get a soda. As we're walking away, we can be sure to hear them say stuff like, "That guy is such a loser," or "What a dork." That's it, you morons. Feed the hypocrisy!

I may be a computer programmer who plays Dungeons and Dragons and understands the XKCD comics, but at least I have enough of a semblance a social life to rightly call your Myspace addiction pathetic. In fact, it places you on a rung beneath me and my nerd friends on the social ladder. Here's why:

1. People play Dungeons and Dragons because it's fun and entertaining. People live vicariously through their myspace accounts because they think they're popular because of the number of friends/comments/messages they have.

I'd hate to break it to you but the popularity of your one-page profile has no significant impact on real life. Unless Bill Gates and the president of the college you wish to visit both talk to you on a regular basis, the most you can use your Myspace account for is to trick masses of people into buying something that you profit from.
2. Myspace is one of the shittiest sites you could be chained to.
Myspace is perhaps the computer guy's arch nemesis. Their site is flooded with shitty javascript codes that usually only work on Microsoft's shitty browser, Internet Explorer 7. Recently, due to the number of complaints, they made it Firefox-compliant. But it took an assload of protesting from Mozilla and everyday Myspace users to make them get off their asses and update their scripts. In Myspace's defense, at least it's not LiveJournal.
3. Myspace has a shit-ton of ads.
I've seen hookers with less herpes than Myspace has ads. They're crawling all over every page, from your control panel to your profile page. I wouldn't be surprised if there were ads on the text editor used by the administrators.
4. Myspace's legal team is a bunch of assholes.
A programmer/hacker wrote a script that dodged Myspace's anti-Javascript parsing that made everyone who viewed his profile link to the same script and put a string ("(Name of hacker) IS MY HERO!") on their profiles. In a few weeks, he had over a million friends. So the Myspace legal team reaction? Sue him for damages.

What damages?! He's probably a lonely virgin who wants everyone to read his blog about how bad his life is and how he can't get girls. What damage could adding people to his friends list possibly cause? Look at Tom, he has over 100 million friends. Why not sue him for damages? Oh wait, that's against your pious, heavy-handed policies. Which brings me to my next point...

5. Tom is an ugly bastard.
If you're going to be added to the friends list of everyone who makes an account, you can at least clean your appearance up a bit. Especially with the millions of dollars you raked in for your shit-service website.
6. Myspace addicts are typically unattractive.
For some reason, these pudgey little pre-teen boars seem to think that uploading picture after picture while sitting on their fat asses and devouring Cheetos will make them popular, in spite of getting off their ass and doing some push-ups. I'm not exactly Mr. America here, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna let my stomach overlap the keyboard while I press the F5 key repeatedly waiting for someone to comment on my shitty profile that nobody cares about.
If you're one of these Myspace-addicted morons and you want to clean up your act, learn how to not suck before you try any of those "rigorous" anti-addiction programs. Although my recommendation for you is just a swift kick to the teeth. Seriously, suicide is for some people and you're probably one of them.

1,879 Myspace junkies read this page for six hours waiting for me to post a "reply" to their email.
Contact me: kobrasrealm@gmail.com

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