1. If You're Not Part of the Solution, You're Part of the Problem.

Thanks for that, I couldn't have led myself to that conclusion without your superior wisdom. This one pisses me off because it's used to make people feel guilty for not helping you with your own problems. We don't have to be pick to be part of the problem or the solution, you blockhead! If you have a problem, TOUGH SHIT! Deal with your own bullshit.

What if I don't want to spend my money on a rainy day? Does a sudden change in weather (or, for those of us who live in Florida, a daily occurence) trigger some subconscious compulsion that makes everyone run to the stores to spend and flaunt their slowly-amassed small fortunes on shit they don't need? I'll spend my money how I want, fascists!

Did you hear that, God? Some old bitch just said for you to bless me. Where's my fucking blessing? Oh, I don't get one and neither does anyone else because religious people are full of horse shit? That's what I thought.

As if people didn't have enough self-importance, this popular phrase has caught on with the snobs and pretentious assholes. Excuse who? How about I run over your foot next time, you spoiled fucking brat?!

Stop stalling and spit it out already. People have better shit to do than listen to you fail to communicate.

Anyone who uses those two consecutive words in any part of a sentence will immediately set off my bullshit detector, unless it's my dad lecturing some asshole on how pointless it is to try and be politically correct all the time.

I should what, bitch? Listen, your suggestions aren't welcome. Close your fucking mouth and sit there!

Not a phrase or a mantra, but anyone who grills someone (shows off their gold teeth) deserves to be punched in the face. If the person delivering the punch is an amputee, an elbow will suffice.

Bullshit! If we never know anything, then we'd be no better than the animals we slaughter to feed our gluttonous masses. I obviously know enough to make rash accusations, and that's what really counts.

This is your cue to stop listening.

This is a blatant lie. If I see a 17 year-old girl wearing G-strings and spaghetti straps and bending over every 10 seconds, she's obviously a slut. If there's something more, then it's irrelevant because nobody in their right mind would talk to someone lacking that much clothing for anything but sexual favors.

As Chris once said, "Equality means the death of chivalry, whether you like it or not."

No. I'm gonna shoot for your head.