Today, I made the mistake of going to Wal-Mart before midnight and the consequences were dire: There were literally hundreds of people in the store shopping for their tax-exempt school supplies. Chaos ensued as I waded waist-deep in screaming little shits and old people who like to ask random people to explain a product to them. But this isn't about my hellacious trip into the Evil Empire from Bentonville, Arkansas.

You've probably inferred this before elsewhere on my website, but I'm damn glad my parents kept me in line when I was smaller. Unfortunately, most children aren't blessed with parents who have an ounce of common sense. As a result, you and I have to put up with their ear-piercing screams while their parents outright ignore their children.

Any parent found guilty of ignoring their children for any reason other than teaching them a lesson needs to be clubbed. If you aren't paying attention to your child's wrongdoings, much less your child's needs, you are not providing them one ounce of supervision and the responsibility falls on store employees who don't want to be sued because your child got accidentally killed while your butt was aching over saving a few bucks on a T-Shirt.

Ironically, these are the same parents who are so "concerned" that they form Parent-Teacher Associations and attend weekly meetings in an attempt to dictate the teaching methods of trained educators just so their ungrateful douche can get ahead of his classmates who actually learn the material and don't use their mom's position as "PTA President" to keep your kid from failing a grade.

This goes without saying: Wednesday night meetings with overworked, underpaid teachers isn't an effective way of making your child a success-- doing your fucking job as a parent is much more effective. This means getting off your ass, turning the TV off, and teaching your shit-stain some basic manners and decency. The phrase "Television is a privledge; not a right" comes to mind (but it wouldn't be necessary if you had been doing your job from the fucking beginning).

If your child is struggling to learn how to read-- quit blaming the teachers and actually spend some time with them. You brought them into this miserable little world; it's your job. Assuming the teacher spends ample time with the child, this should be a deceptively simple task: Set aside 30 minutes to an hour every day to encourage activity.

If my example of a lazy, good-for-nothing parent fits you, you're probably asking yourself "Why?" at this point. "Why should I waste my precious time making my kid a better person when he goes to school for that?" Because your child only gets one childhood-- and one education. If you botch it, they'll end up as the assistant manager of Wendy's at the peak of their career. If you're a failing parent, you probably aren't a walking success story and hate yourself for it. Why would you subject your kids to the same torturous mediocrity?

It's for that reason that I, as well as many other people, clump bad parents into the same category of hatred as pedophiles: Both arbitrarily cause irreparable damage to the youth of America-- and thus our future-- and both have earned my eternal loathing.

Still not convinced that you need to do your job? Consider this: If you live past 70, someone has to change your diapers. Someone has to give you your medical examinations and someone has to fill your prescriptions. Who? The children of today will be the workers of tomorrow. Even if you only make your own children a success, making the effort of not being a shitty parent will bring the ratio of good people to rotten, miserable scumbags up a notch.

I suppose this is where you'd expect to read a clichéd "For a better tomorrow" slogan. Since I'm not an activist, I'll instead say, "For a tomorrow where parents don't selfishly neglect their own children and deprive them of a proper upbringing."